Five Years

This post is a week early, but I have been formulating the thoughts for this blog update for a while now.  Next Friday, September 5, Ian and I will celebrate our 5-year anniversary.  Reflecting back on our wedding day, it was a picture perfect, beautiful day.  Our wedding day was everything I had hoped it would be; it really was one of the best days of my life. 

We had originally met through mutual friends.  I think even early on in our relationship we knew we were meant for each other.  I remember going to church when I was still single and seeing other young families there, really hoping some day that would be me, having someone to call my husband and raising kids of our own.  I fervently prayed that God would send me the right man to marry, and that He did.  I couldn't have asked for a better soulmate or a better family to marry into and become a part of; Ian's family accepted me as a part of them from the very beginning.  It is truly a blessing to be living next door to my in-laws. 

Now that the honeymoon phase of being newlyweds has long since passed, we have reached the 5-year mark.  Like all married couples at one point or another, we have experienced our own ups and downs, and we are beginning to really find out what the married life is all about. 

A lot has changed in the past 5 years.  We moved to a new house, became landlords of our old house, both experienced changes in our career paths, and in true Ian fashion, he acquired a Harley and has gone through 6 different vehicles in total since I have known him, including the ones we have now.  He just can't seem to pass up a deal on a re-builder.  The most life-changing event, the addition of Elijah, has been our greatest blessing.

In honor of our 5-year anniversary, I complied a list of the top five things I love most about Ian:

5.  His witty sense of humor.  Ian has a very similar sense of humor as his brother.  They both have a way of fitting in funny, subtle, simple statements quite quickly into conversations that make me laugh quite often. 

4.  Our well-balanced, complementary parenting style.  To be honest, we really have opposite parenting styles that reflect our personalities, but I also think it helps us balance each other out.  While I would consider myself to be more on the strict and serious side, Ian is much more laid-back, easygoing, and playful as a parent. 

3.  His unconditional love, patience, and tolerance of my many moods and also going along with some of my crazy ideas (for example, filling up Eli's pool with 5-gallon buckets of water from inside the house so it would be warm and not ice cold from the hose outside).  He also has a high tolerance to my lack of common sense.

2.  His work ethic.  During the busy season, Ian will put in 80 plus hours during one week of work.  He also helps his dad throughout the year on the farm. 

1.  His dedication to family and others and his kindheartedness.  Ian is always willing to go out of his way to help others.  I even remember a time when he left work to come home and help me reinstall a car seat because I could not figure it out myself.  Without me even asking, he also came home early one day during a snowstorm to take me to an appointment in town, just a few minutes away.

My mind is always thinking about something, most of the time needless worries, other times trivial things, such as this:  Over the years, I have noticed quirky things Ian and I have in common.  (Maybe they are signs we really are meant to be?) 

We have similar family backgrounds, being raised with the same types of values.  We both grew up on a farm along with being raised with traditions of the Catholic faith.  We have 2 siblings each, while Ian is the youngest and I am the oldest.  We each have a sibling named Jamie.  I grew up in a white house with black shutters, and when I first met Ian, he lived in a white house with black shutters.  I attended Maquoketa Valley High School while Ian went to Maquoketa High School.  Ian's favorite number has always been 21, and my birthday is on the 21st.  Speaking of birthdays, we were born almost exactly a month apart in the same year - Ian on September 25 and my birthday landing on October 21.  Our parents were married in different years but celebrate their anniversaries exactly a month apart - April 25 and May 25. 

The past 5 years have really gone by fast, and we have learned more about each other in the process.  Becoming parents really changes the dynamics of a married couple's relationship.  Parenthood has been a gift in itself, and I think it has helped us grow as a couple and become better people in the process.   

Here's to 5 years and many more!

Diaper-Free Club

We are finally making some true progress in the potty training department!  As Eli showed no interest at all in transitioning from diapers to underwear, I didn't even attempt to start the training process until a few weeks after he turned 3.  Even though he still didn't show much interest in this, I decided to start anyway since it just seemed to me that since now he is the "magic age" of 3, he should be able to be trained.  I even had a date in mind on a Sunday when I thought we would set aside the day, train him, and that would be it.  A couple weeks before this "magic" date, I bought just enough diapers to last us up until that date thinking we wouldn't be needing any more after that (except for during his naps and nighttime).

I utilized all the advice I gathered from family, friends, the pediatrician, our daycare provider, and my own research online.   I introduced Eli to his sticker chart (which he later ripped apart on purpose - yet another indicator he was not yet ready for the whole process).  I thought just the simple process of him adding stickers to his chart would be a reward in itself since he loves stickers.  I asked him what he wanted to do if he filled up the chart, and he replied, "Go to Applebee's."  I also tried to motivate him by offering a bowl of treats to pick from if he went on his potty.  We began the day by reading all the new potty books Eli received as birthday gifts.  I piled up all his training pants and big boy underwear including ones featuring various Cars and Disney characters he received as Easter gifts earlier in the year.  Eli was equipped with his bottomless cup of juice in an attempt to stimulate his system and get things going and encouraged to place his feet in a big bowl of warm water for the same effect. 

The potty chair was set up on a huge sheet of plastic (the kind you use to protect the floor when painting) to keep him corralled instead of meandering all over the carpet.  Only later did I realize I should have done this in the kitchen, which allowed for an easier floor to clean up in case of accidents.  Of course, Eli did not find it very easy to entertain himself in between potty times on the plastic, so there were inevitable accidents that occurred anyway on the carpet.  I made sure he sat on the potty at regular intervals.  He always ended up going potty as soon as he got back up and started playing after he had sat for quite a long time and appeared to be trying (which I later realized he was probably just holding it in).  Even when accidents happened in his underwear he was not at all phased, totally oblivious, did not say or do anything, just kept right on playing - yet another sign I tried too soon before he was truly ready.  While sitting on his potty, he would very convincingly announce that he went but there was no evidence of even a single drop.  At other times, after he would stand up, we noticed he had gone but didn't even seem to notice since there was no reaction from him.  There seemed to be a disconnect between his body and mind. 

The one thing I thought might motivate him the most since nothing else seemed to work was watching the Cars movie.  I told him that he couldn't watch his favorite movie anymore until he started sitting on his potty.  Only later did I realize this backfired on me since he would sit on his potty for an extended length of time - just to watch the movie - and then hold it in and beg for his diaper to be put back on; only then did he let it go.

The doctor's advice, tucked away in my mind, kept coming back to me - if you wait until they are ready, potty training can be done in as little as one day.  He also mentioned they have to be able to feel the urge, resist the urge, and communicate that they have to go.  The main reason why I wanted to start the process even when Eli showed no interest is because it truly seemed like he would not be ready any time in the near future, so I felt like I had to take a proactive role now to at least get him thinking about it.  My biggest fear, irrational as it may be, was that I would have to special order diapers big enough for a 5-year-old untrained boy.  In my mind, I kept telling myself I had to put forth effort on my part to make this work.  My key words in the Google search bar changed from "potty training tips" to "3 and 4-year-olds not yet potty trained."  I came across some interesting parenting forums.  Many parents of kids who were beyond the 3-year mark commented that once they took a break from the process their child decided on their own to go, just like magic. 

So, after on-again off-again training, I took a break and waited for the "magic day" to emerge.  We later realized no type of reward system was going to work for him; nothing motivated him to want to wean out of diapers.  He had to initiate the process on his own.  We FINALLY reached a turning point when he mentioned that he had to go one day and needed to sit on his potty.  Even though nothing happened on his potty, for the first time, it was his idea and I found a glimmer of hope.  That night for the first time, he requested to wear underwear in lieu of his diaper.  While we weren't going to send him to bed with underwear on, we started again the following day, again on his accord.  Ian, with his much calmer, less pressured approach was a very vital part of the day since he was able to stay inside and help out.  We simply made the potty available, let him pick out which pair of underwear he wanted to wear, and gave him liquids to get things going.  After multiple attempts and a few hours of nothing happening, he ended up sitting on a blanket on the floor watching TV.  All of a sudden without any prompting, he got up on his own, went over to his potty, went potty immediately, and announced that he had gone!  This pattern continued with very little prompting the rest of the day.

After a week now, Eli is almost to the point of being completely accident-free at home, but he will still wear a diaper during naps, nighttime, and on the few occasions that we go somewhere until he stays consistently dry during those times. 

Like all other developmental milestones, I have learned potty training is similar in that kids will achieve the goal only when they are ready.  As much as I wanted to become a member of the Diaper-Free Club sooner rather than later, it was not worth it at the expense of the frustration and constant accidents.  The number one cardinal rule of potty training seems to be wait until they are ready, which I knew from the beginning but apparently learned the hard way from a process that can't be rushed.

Adventures in Gardening

 

 

Last summer, a fellow daycare parent shared some of the produce from her garden, and the green beans especially were so fresh and flavorful.  Even Eli enjoyed eating them, which is usually something he would refuse to eat.  This kind of sparked my interest in starting our own garden.  Plus, I thought it might be a neat little learning experience for Eli.  

On the day I was taking pictures, Eli wanted to snap a few himself.  I kind of like the angle on the second one...

 

 

When I first mentioned that I was planning on having a garden this year, I was warned by lots of people it is a lot of work in the heat of the summer.  I remember thinking to myself, how hard could it be, really.  Well, I quickly learned they were right.  I totally underestimated the weeds for one thing. 

I began by using a seed starting container and soil for seedlings to grow inside before transplanting them outside.  I did this with the cherry tomatoes and seeds for flowers.  With the rest of the vegetable and fruit seeds, I used the direct sow method right into the ground.  As for the ones in the seed starting container, I was surprised they all sprouted quite quickly.  I knew I had too many seeds too close together in each container, but I didn't realize how many each seed packet contained and how tiny they were!  Then, after I tucked them all into the soil, I ended up flooding them with water without really meaning too.  I later learned all they really need at that stage is a sprinkle every now and then.  I also learned you are also supposed to leave the soil loose and not pat it down after planting the seeds so they can grow through it easily when they begin to sprout.  As for the flowers that I started from seeds, I did not have the patience needed to transplant them all once they sprouted, so none of them survived.  I don't think their roots were strong enough anyway since they were planted so closely together. 

I found I have better luck with planting bulb flowers, such as my favorites, lilies - the stargazer and calla variety, along with dahlias.  I always wondered why people choose to plant annuals every year instead of planting perennials that only need to be planted once, but it seems like annuals bloom all summer long while flowering perennials only bloom for a short time.  I find the best maintenance-free plants are perennials like hostas.  I love the way they look, and they are quite hardy. 

I'm not sure of the name of this plant, but it is a perennial that came back again this year after first being planted last year.

Dahlias - I moved the flowers inside after the plant itself toppled over after a heavy rain.

 

If you look closely on the leaf, you will find Eli's new little pet - one of a few caterpillars that made their way inside on the leaves.

Stargazer lilies - my favorite!  I also planted calla lilies, but they have yet to bloom. 

As for the garden plot, Ian's dad helped me out to begin with by tilling up the dirt.  My dad even got in on the action by weeding it when my parents came down to watch Eli one day.  I wish I had a picture after he was done with it because that was the best it ever looked - like a real garden!  When it came time to plant the seeds initially, again, I did not realize how many TINY seeds were in those packets!  Who really has the patience it takes to follow such precise directions; spacing them apart so many inches in groups of a certain number, planting at a certain depth.  It was a miracle anything grew at all with the way I planted, but several of each type of plant actually grew!  I drenched them all in water after they were freshly sown.  I thought for sure they probably got washed away.  A nice rain shower seems to be most beneficial.  I also learned plants should be watered in the early morning or end of day and not in direct sunlight so the plants do not get scorched. 

Another thing I learned is I maybe should have started a bit smaller, focusing on only a few different types of plants and space them apart more.  Only one of the cherry tomato plants I transplanted survived.  I was really questioning whether it was a weed for the longest time since that is what it appeared to be until the tiny buds of tomatoes started growing.  I also planted cucumbers (which I later realized grew on vines...who knew?!), cantaloupe, watermelon, lettuce, green beans, pumpkins, and a row of sunflowers along the back edge.  I had the best luck with the cucumbers, which were the most plentiful out of all the produce.  Ian sliced them into spears and concocted a special mixture on his own to soak them in, and they became very tasty pickles. 

 

Emerging cherry tomatoes

 

 

 

 

   

 

  Pointing out the baby watermelon

 

Green beans

 

A helpful tip regarding weeds came from a relative; using grass clippings on the dirt around the plants acts as a natural form of weed control by keeping out the weeds and keeping moisture in.  We tried this after Ian mowed one night, and it really did seem to help in some areas that were kept weed-free. 

One thing I found out I am an expert at growing - weeds!  Seriously, how can something grow so quickly?  Eventually, I realized there was no way I was going to keep up with them, so the weeds began to take over.  Ironically, even the mass readings one weekend this summer related to weeds:

“The kingdom of heaven may be likened
to a man who sowed good seed in his field.
While everyone was asleep his enemy came
and sowed weeds all through the wheat and then went off.
When the crop grew and bore fruit, the weeds appeared as well.
The slaves of the householder came to him and said,
‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field?
Where have the weeds come from?’
He answered, ‘An enemy has done this.’
His slaves said to him,
‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’
He replied, ‘No, if you pull up the weeds
you might uproot the wheat along with them.
Let them grow together until harvest;
then at harvest time I will say to the harvesters,
'First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles for burning;
but gather the wheat into my barn.'”

Weeds can also be a metaphor for life representing those things that can quickly get out of control or take over if we let them, crowding out the good things we should be focused on instead, much like the plants or flowers in a garden.  We cannot enjoy the true beauty of life without weeding out the negatives. 

While the garden was quite the learning experience while it lasted this summer, I think I am going to focus my efforts next year more on the landscaping around our house.