Diaper-Free Club

We are finally making some true progress in the potty training department!  As Eli showed no interest at all in transitioning from diapers to underwear, I didn't even attempt to start the training process until a few weeks after he turned 3.  Even though he still didn't show much interest in this, I decided to start anyway since it just seemed to me that since now he is the "magic age" of 3, he should be able to be trained.  I even had a date in mind on a Sunday when I thought we would set aside the day, train him, and that would be it.  A couple weeks before this "magic" date, I bought just enough diapers to last us up until that date thinking we wouldn't be needing any more after that (except for during his naps and nighttime).

I utilized all the advice I gathered from family, friends, the pediatrician, our daycare provider, and my own research online.   I introduced Eli to his sticker chart (which he later ripped apart on purpose - yet another indicator he was not yet ready for the whole process).  I thought just the simple process of him adding stickers to his chart would be a reward in itself since he loves stickers.  I asked him what he wanted to do if he filled up the chart, and he replied, "Go to Applebee's."  I also tried to motivate him by offering a bowl of treats to pick from if he went on his potty.  We began the day by reading all the new potty books Eli received as birthday gifts.  I piled up all his training pants and big boy underwear including ones featuring various Cars and Disney characters he received as Easter gifts earlier in the year.  Eli was equipped with his bottomless cup of juice in an attempt to stimulate his system and get things going and encouraged to place his feet in a big bowl of warm water for the same effect. 

The potty chair was set up on a huge sheet of plastic (the kind you use to protect the floor when painting) to keep him corralled instead of meandering all over the carpet.  Only later did I realize I should have done this in the kitchen, which allowed for an easier floor to clean up in case of accidents.  Of course, Eli did not find it very easy to entertain himself in between potty times on the plastic, so there were inevitable accidents that occurred anyway on the carpet.  I made sure he sat on the potty at regular intervals.  He always ended up going potty as soon as he got back up and started playing after he had sat for quite a long time and appeared to be trying (which I later realized he was probably just holding it in).  Even when accidents happened in his underwear he was not at all phased, totally oblivious, did not say or do anything, just kept right on playing - yet another sign I tried too soon before he was truly ready.  While sitting on his potty, he would very convincingly announce that he went but there was no evidence of even a single drop.  At other times, after he would stand up, we noticed he had gone but didn't even seem to notice since there was no reaction from him.  There seemed to be a disconnect between his body and mind. 

The one thing I thought might motivate him the most since nothing else seemed to work was watching the Cars movie.  I told him that he couldn't watch his favorite movie anymore until he started sitting on his potty.  Only later did I realize this backfired on me since he would sit on his potty for an extended length of time - just to watch the movie - and then hold it in and beg for his diaper to be put back on; only then did he let it go.

The doctor's advice, tucked away in my mind, kept coming back to me - if you wait until they are ready, potty training can be done in as little as one day.  He also mentioned they have to be able to feel the urge, resist the urge, and communicate that they have to go.  The main reason why I wanted to start the process even when Eli showed no interest is because it truly seemed like he would not be ready any time in the near future, so I felt like I had to take a proactive role now to at least get him thinking about it.  My biggest fear, irrational as it may be, was that I would have to special order diapers big enough for a 5-year-old untrained boy.  In my mind, I kept telling myself I had to put forth effort on my part to make this work.  My key words in the Google search bar changed from "potty training tips" to "3 and 4-year-olds not yet potty trained."  I came across some interesting parenting forums.  Many parents of kids who were beyond the 3-year mark commented that once they took a break from the process their child decided on their own to go, just like magic. 

So, after on-again off-again training, I took a break and waited for the "magic day" to emerge.  We later realized no type of reward system was going to work for him; nothing motivated him to want to wean out of diapers.  He had to initiate the process on his own.  We FINALLY reached a turning point when he mentioned that he had to go one day and needed to sit on his potty.  Even though nothing happened on his potty, for the first time, it was his idea and I found a glimmer of hope.  That night for the first time, he requested to wear underwear in lieu of his diaper.  While we weren't going to send him to bed with underwear on, we started again the following day, again on his accord.  Ian, with his much calmer, less pressured approach was a very vital part of the day since he was able to stay inside and help out.  We simply made the potty available, let him pick out which pair of underwear he wanted to wear, and gave him liquids to get things going.  After multiple attempts and a few hours of nothing happening, he ended up sitting on a blanket on the floor watching TV.  All of a sudden without any prompting, he got up on his own, went over to his potty, went potty immediately, and announced that he had gone!  This pattern continued with very little prompting the rest of the day.

After a week now, Eli is almost to the point of being completely accident-free at home, but he will still wear a diaper during naps, nighttime, and on the few occasions that we go somewhere until he stays consistently dry during those times. 

Like all other developmental milestones, I have learned potty training is similar in that kids will achieve the goal only when they are ready.  As much as I wanted to become a member of the Diaper-Free Club sooner rather than later, it was not worth it at the expense of the frustration and constant accidents.  The number one cardinal rule of potty training seems to be wait until they are ready, which I knew from the beginning but apparently learned the hard way from a process that can't be rushed.