"Hearts at Home"

Leading up to last weekend (that I had been waiting for the past 6 months when I first registered), I was explaining to Eli where I would be going and that they would be staying at my mom and dad's for the weekend.  I mentioned to him I was going to a motherhood conference to learn how to be a better mother.  Without hesitation and quite innocently, he looked at me and replied, "But you already are a good mother."  Tears - instantly (running down my fresh spray tan).  When you hear those words from your own kid, they melt your heart in a way that coming from anyone else would not be the same.

A couple of years ago I went to the "Inspire Motherhood" conference in Davenport, which was on a much smaller scale than this national conference with fewer attendees but still featured a couple of main speakers, workshops you choose, a lunch, and booths with vendors.  Last weekend, I attended the "Hearts at Home" conference in Peoria.  I decided to go by myself for a mini-getaway.  

Two added features of this conference included a comedian (which at times I was laughing so much it turned into tears - this lady was a genuinely funny without even trying to be in such a relatable way) along with a Christian musician that performed in between the various sessions.  

The last conference I went to included mothers telling about their own personal parenthood journeys, which I found very inspiring and motivating, which is why I signed up for this one in Peoria.  However, I found this conference to offer more advice, tips, and techniques that can be applied in order to foster more loving relationships with your spouse and kids. 

The first main speaker's talk revolved around kindness.  She mentioned that if we focus on the good we see in others rather than the annoying habits we are more likely to change our perspective and see them in a new light, which in turn can help bring about change in our attitude toward them.  

The four workshops I signed up for included instilling lasting morals and values, eliminating the notion of a "perfect" marriage, managing an anxious brain as a parent, and my favorite one where I learned the most - effective discipline that reaches the heart of a child.

The session on discipline included some thoughts that I really needed to hear and take to heart, especially as I find myself yelling to get attention and then regretting it later.  This is one of my worst parenting habits.  Like the speakers mentioned, this type of strategy may get results in the short term but does not satisfy long-term goals, such as the ultimate goal of parenting:  Creating responsible and respectful children who grow up to be responsible and respectful adults.  I was also reminded in this session about the connection between the two words disciple and discipline, which share a common root and meaning.  Viewing discipline as a way to help good disciples grow can change our perspective on how we raise kids.  

There are still times when I'm not quite sure what other strategy might be used in lieu of yelling, such as when your kid dunks their shirt into the bathtub full of water to show you how it "changes the color" of the shirt (of course it's going to become a shade darker when it is now sopping wet) and then takes it back out as it is dripping everywhere - yes, that really happened.  

Rather than rushing into a situation full steam ahead, the speakers suggested the opposite approach.  If we turn our tone into one that is more calm, controlled, and softer, we are more likely to receive in return a favorable response from kids.  Giving them choices, acknowledging their feelings, and empathizing with them are also ways to help them feel that we are disciplining in a way that helps them as we guide them to make better choices.  

The one-word theme of the conference weekend was "Breathe" reminding mothers if we take a break from time to time and give ourselves a chance to just breathe, we will be able to refuel.  When I went to mass the day after I attended this conference, the priest gave a homily with that same one-word theme - "breathe" relating the readings to how the Holy Spirit breathed through the apostles and how as a priest he often hears a big breath/sigh let out at the end of a confession - a sign of a release and letting go of sins and a chance to begin anew.  I found it more than just a coincidence that this same one-word theme surfaced these two different places last weekend.